


Someone to come home to

by Yuneyn



Series: This love is ours [2]
Category: 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい | Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! (TV)
Genre: Adachi's anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kurosawa being the perfect boyfriend, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29821362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuneyn/pseuds/Yuneyn
Summary: "Adachi didn’t want to feel like he just brought all of his issues into Kurosawa’s life and asked him to shoulder them. That wasn’t how he wanted their relationship to be like… Even now, he still felt like their relationship was unbalanced. Kurosawa was just so thoughtful, always going out of his way to make Adachi happy, always putting Adachi first… Adachi was trying his best to give back, but sometimes he really had trouble seeing what exactly Kurosawa gained by being with him."Adachi has bad days sometimes - it's nothing new, and he's used to it.He's certainly not going to burden Kurosawa with it.
Relationships: Adachi Kiyoshi/Kurosawa Yuichi
Series: This love is ours [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192364
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55
Collections: CheriMaho White Day Gift Exchange 2021





	Someone to come home to

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tentochi_0102](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentochi_0102/gifts).



> This fic is for [tentochi_0102](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentochi_0102/pseuds/tentochi_0102) as part of the CheriMaho White Day Gift Exchange! There were several things in your request, and I ended up focusing on the part where you mentioned wanting to see how they manage each other in their lowest self. I relate a lot to Adachi and what he's going through in this story... and thought it could be nice to see how it feels to have the kind of comfort and support that Kurosawa gives him. I really hope you will enjoy it :)
> 
> Somehow February was a horrible month, but I'm still hoping to write more Kurodachi in the future to add to my series of stories. If we're not getting a season 2 or movie, I guess I'll have to make the content I want to see haha. (Please TV Tokyo, hear our plea)
> 
> Thank you so much to the mods on the CheriMaho discord for this event and helping me when I struggled with my writing during that hell of a month. I'm so happy to be a part of this server!!

Some days were worse than others. Adachi was used to it. He knew very well how easily his brain could turn against him, warping his thoughts and making his insecurities even worse than usual. He had experienced it so many times over the years that he usually could feel it coming from the moment he woke up. The anxiety that almost always crept up at the back of his brain would feel different somehow, unstable and volatile, as if quietly waiting for the tiniest disturbance to invade his mind and ruin his entire day.

Anything could trigger it, really. Bumping into a doorframe, dropping his keys as he fumbled to lock his apartment - the kind of simple annoyance that would make anyone sigh and roll their eyes at themselves. And on a regular day, Adachi would just do that too. He would also likely mutter something along the lines of _“Ugh, I’m so useless,”_ because his self-deprecating habits were never really leaving him, but usually he could at least move on with the rest of his day. 

On bad days, though, that proved almost impossible. The thought would take root inside his brain, feeding on his anxiety and growing until it was permanently at the forefront of his mind. Every little thing that would go wrong after that would just become another example of his personal failure at being a decent human being. Even if it wasn’t his fault, even if that person he had bumped into had been the one not paying attention, even if the error in the file he was working on came from data someone else had provided - his mind would make it seem as though he should still have known better.

Deep down, Adachi was aware that it was really just his thought process that was wrong and self-destructive. He knew that if he were able to think more clearly, he would realize that none of the things that happened were a big deal, nor defined his worth as a human being. But while knowing was one thing, it still didn’t allow him to escape the downwards spiral of his self-esteem. 

It wasn’t like he had much proof that he was wrong, after all. He had never been popular, never had been one to have many friends - he had heard enough people call him _“weird”_ behind his back, too. Sure, his work performances weren’t bad, but they didn’t seem to be worth noticing either. On a regular day, he was fine enough with being unremarkable… But on those bad days, the line between unremarkable and worthless seemingly disappeared, and it was way too easy to let the self-loathing take over.

Adachi had stopped trying to fight it years ago. It was pointless, and in the end it was much easier to just endure it. He was used to it anyway; it wasn’t that much of a big deal. He just had to grit his teeth and make it through the day, then he could finally go back home. Being alone sort of helped, he found. He wasn't inconveniencing anyone, and at least he didn't have to face judging looks, or people complaining about his lack of motivation. He could just finally rest, drowning out the thoughts by focusing on a video game or anything else he enjoyed. 

Eventually, it would pass, and Adachi’s days would be back to normal - not particularly _good,_ but not bad either. His life wasn’t the most exciting after all, never had been, but he was fine with it as long as he could go through the days without too much trouble. 

Of course, all that changed when he started dating Kurosawa. 

He didn’t notice it at first, too busy trying to make sense of all the new, overwhelming feelings that Kurosawa had sparked inside him. Confusion, fear, longing, determination, happiness, nervousness - Adachi went through a whole rollercoaster of emotions in the span of a few weeks only. It kept his mind busy enough not to turn against him - aside from that one night after that damned competition when he almost ruined everything. 

His inner turmoil quieted down a little after they got back together. Having everything laid down into the open brought them closer in many ways, and, weirdly, losing his magic did too. They talked more than before, and Adachi absolutely loved learning more about Kurosawa without any supernatural help. He was trying to be more confident, to do small gestures to show Kurosawa his affection when they were alone - and seeing his boyfriend’s smile every time he did was the best reward he could ever imagine.

They settled into an easy routine so naturally that Adachi couldn’t pinpoint when it really started. And so, before he could realize it, Adachi’s regular days turned into good ones. 

There were the smiles exchanged at work, whenever Adachi would look over his shoulder and find Kurosawa already looking at him. The knowing glances during their lunches together. The way they almost always waited for each other in the evening if they didn’t have too much work, and the easy banter between them as they tried to decide between eating out or going back to one of their apartments. The outings Kurosawa always planned for them on weekends, eager as he was to take Adachi on various “first dates” in every possible cliché dating location he could think of. Adachi always laughed, telling Kurosawa that he didn’t need to try so hard, and Kurosawa always replied with something extremely sweet and cheesy about wanting to make Adachi happy. It was like a well-rehearsed dance between them, that always ended up with Adachi feeling very flustered, but also incredibly happy.

It was like being constantly wrapped in a warm, comfortable cocoon of blankets that helped ease his worries. Not that Adachi didn’t _still_ worry sometimes, he couldn’t really help it after all… But somehow he managed not to dwell on those thoughts too much. For about two months after their Christmas date and reunion, Adachi was lost in a sort of happy haze that allowed him to simply enjoy every moment.

Unfortunately, it took waking up with that familiar dreadful feeling at the back of his mind for Adachi to realize just how much his life had changed. And, of course, instead of smiling and contemplating all of the new good things in his life, Adachi just rolled over in his bed, groaning and feeling grateful for being alone that morning so that Kurosawa wouldn't see him like this. 

_Please, not today._

Kurosawa had been away on a business trip for the whole week, and was supposed to come back this evening. Of course, he had already made plans for Adachi to come over to his place and cook them a “reunion dinner” or so he had called it. And Adachi had been looking forward to it, really. Just the previous night, they had stayed on the phone for quite a long time, conversation always flowing easily between them. Adachi had been smiling the entire duration of the call, already imagining how nice it would be to go home to his boyfriend the next day, picturing the way Kurosawa would open his arms for him and how warm, safe and comfortable it would feel to finally be embraced by him again.

But now… Could he even face Kurosawa in his current state of mind? He wasn’t even out of bed yet, and he knew the day was only going to get worse. It might have been a while since he had felt like this, but he knew himself, knew how his mind worked and how he was bound to feel at the end of the day...

_No. No way. I’m not going to ruin this for him._

He let his fist fall on his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut and trying not to give in to the thoughts swirling inside his head. He had to fight it; he had to manage this somehow, for Kurosawa’s sake. Kurosawa was looking forward to tonight as well. He was even going to go out of his way to make them a nice dinner after his trip back - never mind how many times Adachi had told him to take it easy. He was always so gentle, so considerate, always giving Adachi so much… The least Adachi could do was to try and get a grip over his own hang-ups so they could enjoy a nice evening together.

Adachi groaned, forcing himself to get out of bed and dragged himself to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror and glared at his reflexion.

_Don’t you dare ruin this._

* * *

Adachi couldn’t believe he was actually going to ruin their plans. He was standing in the hallway, near the elevators, his forehead pressed against the large window overlooking the city as his fingers clenched around his phone. 

He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t see Kurosawa tonight - not like this. Everything that could have gone wrong since he had woken up had gone wrong, and he was retreating more and more inside his own head - which was _not_ a very nice place to be right now. And sure, he knew that if he told Kurosawa about this, then his boyfriend would only be extra sweet and doting, and try to cheer him up, but… That would honestly just make him feel worse at this point. He would just feel even more useless and weak.

There was also the fact that the simple thought of having a nice dinner at Kurosawa’s when he was feeling like this was bringing back the horrible memories of the night after his presentation… And there was no way in hell he was going to risk reliving that.

Really it was better for the both of them to postpone their dinner and for Adachi to stay alone tonight. He would have to come up with an excuse, and the simple thought of calling Kurosawa to pretty much _lie_ to him was tearing him up inside. But really, he would rather have Kurosawa believe that he was too tired or something, than forcing him to endure him in this state. It was a good thing they still each had their own place… This way Adachi could handle this on his own the way he always had, and not burden Kurosawa with the weight of his stupid moods.

Before he could chicken out, he opened Kurosawa’s contact info and pressed the call button. Kurosawa had to be waiting for his train by now, so he should be able to answer his phone. He had considered texting him, but Adachi knew that if he texted to say he was too tired to come over then Kurosawa would immediately call him anyway. So, better just call directly. 

As expected, it didn’t take long for Kurosawa to answer. “Kiyoshi? I wasn’t expecting you to call me, that’s a nice surprise! How are you?” Adachi felt himself smile slightly despite his sour mood. Of course if Kurosawa was at the station, he didn’t need to be careful about the way he called him. 

“Well, I… I’ve been better. How was your presentation today?”

“Everything went well, but I’ll tell you tonight. You’re worrying me, are you alright?”

Adachi winced at the concerned tone. God, he was such a horrible person. “Ah yes, it’s nothing bad really. I just couldn’t sleep last night for some reason, so I’m feeling pretty off. I’m so sorry, but is it okay to have our dinner tomorrow night? I just want to go home and sleep.”

There was a silence at the end of the line. It lasted only a few seconds, but Adachi held his breath the entire time. “...If that’s what you want,” Kurosawa eventually replied, and Adachi could tell he was trying to keep his voice even to hide his disappointment. “You know you could still come over? I don’t mind if you just go to bed immediately, and we can still have dinner tomorrow…” 

“I know…” Adachi trailed off. He knew his excuse sucked - he slept better next to Kurosawa anyway, and Kurosawa also knew it. “But it’s just easier like this. I’m really sorry,” he said squeezing his eyes shut and softly banging his head against the window.

“Alright then,” Kurosawa conceded, and retrospectively Adachi would realize it had been a little too easy. “My train is coming, so I have to go… Take care of yourself Kiyoshi, okay? I’ll see you soon.” With that he hung up, and Adachi felt like crying.

_I’m such an idiot. Why can’t I just tell him… It’s not fair to him._

He knew that it wasn’t going to be a single occurrence. Maybe he had been granted a brief respite from such days, the whirlwind of emotions that came with his new relationship keeping the bad thoughts at bay, but… It was only logical that it didn’t last forever. His everyday routine would likely still remain more exciting than before, but deep down he would still be the same awkward, anxious mess he always had been. His insecurities were always going to try and take over from time to time.

_I won’t be able to hide it every time…_

Adachi knew that at some point they would probably end up moving into just one apartment. It made sense after all, they were already spending almost every night together. How was he going to deal with this if they lived together? Would it be okay to just tell Kurosawa he needed to be alone? Would Kurosawa eventually get tired of him being like this?

_No. No. Don’t go down that road._

He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, trying to derail that particular train of thought. If there was one thing he wasn’t going to do, it was to let his anxiety and his insecurities drive him away from Kurosawa again. 

_I’m being ridiculous. I have to tell him the truth._

The still somewhat rational part of Adachi knew that he was being an idiot to try and hide this. Kurosawa already knew Adachi tended to be a nervous wreck, and that he was prone to running away from situations that scared him. He had accepted so much about Adachi already, of course he would listen to him and accept this too.

But that was also part of the problem, wasn’t it? Kurosawa just cared _so much._ Adachi didn’t want to feel like he just brought all of his issues into Kurosawa’s life and asked him to shoulder them. That wasn’t how he wanted their relationship to be… Even now, he still felt like their relationship was unbalanced. Kurosawa was just so thoughtful, always going out of his way to make Adachi happy, always putting Adachi first… Adachi was trying his best to give back, but sometimes he really had trouble seeing exactly what Kurosawa gained by being with him. So, Adachi wasn’t going to let him deal with this.

He still needed to talk to him, to tell him the truth. Hopefully, when he would feel better he would be able to phrase this properly and explain to Kurosawa that he could handle this on his own, that he always had, and that it wasn’t anything worth fretting over. Adachi just needed a little time and space when it happened. And hopefully, Kurosawa would understand. 

Adachi slipped his phone back into his pocket and took a few deep breaths, still staring outside the window. Alright, he could do this. With any luck, he would feel better tomorrow and would thus be able to explain himself to Kurosawa at dinner. Part of him wished he could do it now, because he truly _hated_ having had to rely on such a lame excuse, but he knew he really couldn’t handle it at the moment. So, he would finish the work day, grab some comfort food on the way home, then redirect his mind towards his favorite video game so that he wouldn’t be able to overthink anymore.

It would be alright.

* * *

By the time Adachi made it back to his place, he was more than ready for the day to end. He was about to climb up the stairs when he saw there was someone leaning against his front door. It was rather dark, but the man’s face was clear in the light of his phone’s screen - and even without that Adachi would have recognized him anywhere. 

_Kurosawa? What is he doing here?_

Adachi berated himself internally for not seeing this coming. Of course Kurosawa would come over if he told him he wasn’t feeling well. That was just the way he was. Adachi felt himself tear up a little, but he wasn’t sure whether it was caused by Kurosawa’s thoughtfulness or the utter guilt he was feeling. Probably both, if he was being honest. 

He caught himself thinking that he should have used a different excuse and immediately gave himself a mental slap. How could he even think such things when Kurosawa was right _there,_ showing once again just how selfless and caring he could be? Seriously, how could Adachi ever hope to compare—

_No. Stop._

_I’m not going to ruin this._

He took a deep breath and clenched his fists. He felt absolutely horrible about himself, but Kurosawa had gone out of his way to come here _for him,_ so Adachi was going to handle it somehow. After all, he had said he was tired, so if he could just manage some conversation and then go to bed, it should be fine. He could still explain everything when he’d be in a better headspace.

Adachi climbed up the stairs, his heart racing. He was staring at his boyfriend, noticing the moment he heard the sound of Adachi’s steps and raised his eyes to look at him. “Welcome back,” Kurosawa said with such a genuinely fond smile that Adachi felt himself smile back automatically.

“I should be the one saying that,” Adachi said with a small, nervous chuckle. He kept glancing to the side, unable to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds. “What are you… I mean…” 

Kurosawa rubbed the back of his head and gave Adachi a sheepish smile. “When you called me earlier, you didn’t sound too well. I know you said you’re tired, and I respect that, I won’t keep you up. But I haven’t seen you in a week, so… Just let me take care of you?”

Tears burned behind Adachi’s eyes and he blinked quickly to try and keep them from welling up. _I’m such a horrible person. How can he…_ His breath hitched and he brought his hand up, fingers rubbing at the center of his forehead. He wanted to laugh; he wanted to cry. It was just too much, the overwhelming feeling of being _so_ loved clashing with his increasing self-hatred.  
  
_Why am I such a mess?_

He opened his eyes when he felt Kurosawa’s hands on his shoulders. His boyfriend had such a concerned look in his eyes that Adachi’s heart ached even more. “Kiyoshi… Are you alright? Did anything happen?”

Adachi shook his head quickly and sniffed, wiping away a stray tear with the back of his sleeve. “Let’s just get inside,” he mumbled. Kurosawa searched his face for a little longer but eventually stepped back and let Adachi unlock his door before following him inside. 

After quickly discarding his bag, jacket and tie, Adachi sat on his bed with a sigh. This was a disaster. Seeing each other after a whole week apart wasn’t supposed to be like this… Why couldn’t he simply enjoy being together instead of being so stuck inside his own head? Kurosawa was just so nice, _too_ nice, and now that he had seen that Adachi was clearly not alright—

Adachi jumped slightly as Kurosawa came to sit beside him and gently brushed away some of the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “What can I do for you? Do you want me to draw you a bath? I came straight from the station but I could also go out and get some groceries, make you something quick…”

_Stop being so nice! I don’t deserve it._

“...What?”

Adachi looked up and saw that Kurosawa was frozen next to him, staring at him with wide eyes filled with confusion and an undercurrent of fear. Understanding dawned on Adachi and his stomach dropped as he realized that he had spoken his last thoughts out loud.

Panicked, Adachi reached for Kurosawa’s hands and squeezed them tight. “No! No— I mean— I don’t—” He let his boyfriend’s hands go and buried his face in his hands instead, groaning. “I’m so sorry… I’m just ruining everything…”

He heard Kurosawa take a shaky breath next to him, and felt his boyfriend’s hand settle on his arm - barely touching, as if he was scared, and it broke Adachi’s heart. “Kiyoshi… Talk to me,” Kurosawa said, and Adachi could hear how hard he was trying to keep his voice from wavering. Of course he would be scared; Adachi was reacting exactly the way he had when… When they…

Adachi shook his head, not wanting to be reminded of that time again. He had to say something, to explain one way or another why he was like this. And, most importantly, he had to reassure Kurosawa that they were fine. He took a few deep breaths, trying to settle his nerves, and moved one of his hands to cover the one Kurosawa had placed on his arm, thumb gently brushing against his boyfriend’s knuckles.

“Yuichi, I’m so sorry,” Adachi said again, the guilt he felt leaking into his voice. At least he hoped that when Kurosawa heard him use his first name, he would know that Adachi wasn’t trying to put distance between them. “I didn’t mean to— I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m just… This is not a good day, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with that.”

Relief flashed briefly across Kurosawa’s features, but the concern never left his face. “I’m not sure I understand… Did anything happen at work?”

Adachi shook his head. “I just… get like this sometimes. I mean, you know how I don’t have the best self-esteem, and how I tend to retreat into my own head when I’m overwhelmed. Well, some days it’s like all of my insecurities flare up and I… It’s really hard to ignore, and every little thing that goes wrong just adds to it. By the end of the day I’m just all up in my head and I can’t really deal with anything or anyone… I’m really sorry. It hadn’t happened in a while and of course it had to happen on the day you were coming back… I wanted to spare you the trouble…”

Kurosawa almost looked hurt by this. “You… thought that because we hadn’t seen each other in a week I wouldn’t want to support you if you weren’t feeling well? That it would annoy me?”

“No!” Adachi immediately replied. “No that’s not it. I know you always want to support me, but I…” He looked down and gave a sad little chuckle. “I feel like you’re doing it so much already. You’ve been so patient with me, and you’re always so caring, so selfless. You’re cooking me these wonderful meals, and planning these dates, and you already help me calm down when I feel a little overwhelmed. I’d just feel bad if I made you deal with my bad days too. Like, you give me everything already, and what am I giving you? More of my problems? That’s why I… I thought it would be better for us to meet tomorrow. I usually just need to be alone when it happens. And I’m sorry, I would have told you the truth once I felt better anyway because… Well, because it’ll certainly happen again, so I wouldn’t want you to worry if I said I wanted to be alone…” 

There was a moment of silence, during which Kurosawa just stared at him in mild disbelief. Eventually, he took a deep breath and grabbed both of Adachi’s hands. “Alright. I have a lot to say, but first, do you _want_ to be alone tonight? Because I’m fine with having this conversation later if it’s what you really want.”

“Eh? Well, I mean, it’ll probably be better for—” 

“Don’t you dare say for _me._ I’m not asking what you think I want or need, I’m asking what _you_ want. Would you feel better if I gave you your space, or would you rather I stay here with you?”

Adachi blinked at him. “I… I don’t know,” he replied, lamely. “I’ve always dealt with it alone. I just try to focus on something else to drown out the thoughts until I can manage them again.” 

Kurosawa’s features turned painfully sad and it almost sent Adachi into a panic. “You never had someone to talk to when it happened? Someone to just stay with you?”

“No, I… It’s my problem. I should be able to handle it.” Would he feel better if Kurosawa stayed with him? It was true that the man had a wonderfully calming effect on him, but… The feeling that he would be yet again taking advantage of his boyfriend’s kindness would probably cancel that out.

Kurosawa exhaled shakily and gently wrapped his arms around Adachi. Adachi leaned into the embrace, feeling warmth spread inside his chest despite his brain screaming at him that he was being a burden as always. “Kiyoshi… I’m staying with you tonight. And before you tell me I’m being too selfless, let me assure you that this is very selfish of me.” He pulled back so he could look at Adachi, hands resting firmly on Adachi’s shoulders. “I would hate myself if I left now.”

Adachi gave him a small, hesitant smile. “You’re just too nice for your own good… But I can’t really control when I feel like this, and it’s going to happen again. I don’t…” He looked away and swallowed. “I don’t want you to get tired of me.”

“Kiyoshi, look at me,” Adachi heard Kurosawa say, and when he raised his eyes he saw Kurosawa looking at him with something that almost looked like fond exasperation, except it felt much more intense somehow. “When I asked you to be with me forever, did I say I only wanted to share the good days with you?” Kurosawa raised one hand to gently cup Adachi’s face. “I want to share everything with you. The good times and the bad. And if you feel down, I want to be here for you, in any way I can. Whether you want to talk or not, whether you want me to hold you or not. Even if all I get to do is bring you a cup of coffee while you play video games.”

Adachi’s heart felt like it was being split open and his head fell on top of Kurosawa’s shoulder. Tears were gathering in his eyes and he didn’t even bother trying to hold them back. His hands reached for Kurosawa’s shirt, fingers gripping the fabric tightly. “Why are you so—” His breath hitched and he shook his head slightly. “I just… I feel so inadequate. Like all I do in this relationship is take, take, take. I wish I could give you something in return sometimes.”

“You really have no idea, do you?” Kurosawa said softly, burying his face in Adachi’s hair as he wrapped his arms around him again. “I had hoped that after being able to read my thoughts when we started dating, you wouldn’t doubt my feelings for you…”

“It’s not that I doubt them. I know you love me, I just— I don’t really understand what you get out of being with me,” Adachi replied. “Especially not when I’m like this…”

Kurosawa sighed quietly, and Adachi could feel him shake his head a little. “Alright, come here,” he said. 

Adachi let himself get pulled into a lying position, facing Kurosawa on his side. His boyfriend’s hand gently brushed away the wetness on his cheek before wrapping his arm around Adachi’s waist and holding him close. Adachi’s fingers found the fabric of Kurosawa’s shirt again, and he glanced up, meeting his boyfriend’s gaze. Kurosawa had a contemplative look on his face, and he was gazing back at Adachi with such desperately fond eyes that Adachi’s heart almost skipped a beat.

Kurosawa continued looking at him in silence for a little longer, thumb absently stroking Adachi’s side above his shirt. Eventually, he gave a breathless smile and shook his head. “How can I make you understand everything you’re giving me? Kiyoshi, I… I’m not alone with you here.” Kurosawa’s smile turned wistful and he glanced away for a second before locking eyes with Adachi again. “You see _me._ You already know why I fell in love with you - because you were the first person who ever did, and not only that, but you didn’t mind that I wasn’t perfect.” 

It still baffled Adachi just how long Kurosawa had been loving him quietly. That night, seven years ago, he had only done what he thought anyone would have done. He had seen his colleague in distress, having drunk way too much - partly for _his_ sake, so of course he was going to make sure he went back safely. And truly, it had been refreshing to see that Kurosawa was human after all… But Adachi hadn’t expected that his clumsy words would have had such an effect on the other man. Just how shallow had Kurosawa’s relationships with others been? Hadn’t anybody ever tried looking past his appearance? That seemed like such a… lonely way to live one’s life.

Then again… Adachi hadn’t really bothered looking much further either, even after that night. Without the magic, he might never have tried to get to know Kurosawa. His heart clenched at the thought and his fingers tightened in Kurosawa’s shirt. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never really talked to you after that night. I should have.”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Kurosawa said firmly. “I didn’t reach out either, after all. Believe me, I understand the feeling of being trapped in your own mind and believing the other person doesn’t want anything to do with you. Maybe the reasons are different, but the result is the same.” He moved his other hand that was still trapped between them and loosely wrapped it around one of Adachi’s wrists. “In any case, your words that night… They touched my heart. Made me believe that, maybe, I could be seen and appreciated for who I really am. And being with you now… You’re showing this to me every day.” 

“But I’m not… I’m not really doing anything,” Adachi said. 

“You’re _here,_ Kiyoshi. I know I’m always surrounded by people, and in a way I’ve always been, but it’s so _superficial._ No one really tries to get to know me, they’re all content with the facade I put up for the world.” Kurosawa gave a sad little huff but then smiled at Adachi. “But with you… I can talk to you. You’ve heard my embarrassing thoughts, you’ve seen me cry, you’ve seen me weak and scared. And yet you’re still here. You have no idea how much this means to me. Maybe I’m still not able to fully let go in front of you yet, but somehow the idea itself isn’t as scary as it used to be.”

Adachi couldn’t find the words to express what he wanted to say. There was this wonderful man, with so much love to give... How could it be that no one ever bothered to _actually_ look at him? He felt so privileged - still inadequate, but definitely privileged to be the one person to truly see Kurosawa, to witness his true kindness and everything that made him human. He had no idea how Kurosawa could think that his weaknesses might make him somehow less appealing as a person. As far as Adachi was concerned, every little thing he discovered about his boyfriend only served to make him fall for him even more.

“Well… I still think you’re amazing,” Adachi mumbled eventually, avoiding Kurosawa’s gaze.

“Maybe love has just blinded you,” Kurosawa teased.

Adachi scoffed and looked back at his boyfriend, thoroughly unimpressed. “Well then, I could say the same thing to you.”

“Nonsense, you’re objectively the most wonderful person in the world,” Kurosawa retorted, and he sounded so deadly serious that Adachi couldn’t help but chuckle and roll his eyes at him. Kurosawa’s features softened and his smile grew impossibly fond. “Ah, I missed your smile so much,” he said quietly, then leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on Adachi’s forehead. 

Adachi felt himself melt a little at the feeling of his boyfriend’s lips on his skin. He had missed it so much too, this closeness, this intimacy, how warm and safe he felt with Kurosawa by his side. Instinctively, he shifted closer, burying his face against his boyfriend’s chest and wrapping one arm tightly around his back. He breathed deeply, taking in Kurosawa’s familiar scent, and closed his eyes. His heart was racing slightly and he could still feel his thoughts circling in his mind, but there was also a sense of calmness slowly washing over him. “I missed you,” he whispered, and the way Kurosawa held him even closer was enough confirmation that his boyfriend had heard him.

“I missed everything about you,” Kurosawa sighed, pressing soft kisses to the top of Adachi’s head as he spoke. “I missed seeing your smile as I wake up in the morning… The way your eyes light up when you eat breakfast… The look on your face when you get lost in your thoughts at work - and yes, also the way you try but fail to glare at me when I tease you too much when everyone is still around. I missed the way you lean into me sometimes when the elevator is packed, and brush your hand against mine… Or the way you reach for my hand sometimes in a quiet street…” Gently, Kurosawa leaned back and made sure to look Adachi in the eyes. “Being loved by you… is such a beautiful feeling.”

It wasn’t fair; it just wasn’t fair how easily Kurosawa could say things like these - things that made Adachi’s heart swell and his eyes prickle with tears. Adachi turned his head to the side, hiding his face in the pillow as he choked back a sob. He felt his boyfriend rub soothing circles on his back, always so patient, always so caring, while Adachi was always such a mess… 

_But maybe it’s okay,_ some small, almost imperceptible part of him thought.

He didn’t believe it was okay, really. He did believe he was a mess; he didn’t really understand how someone like Kurosawa could think so highly of him, and deep down he was really scared that one day Kurosawa would wake up and realize he was wasting his time with him. But maybe… Maybe that small part of him did want to believe that Kurosawa could see in him things that he didn’t.

Maybe, maybe just like how he loved every single one of Kurosawa’s flaws, it was possible that Kurosawa loved his.

It was a nice idea. One he couldn’t fully accept, not yet, not now when he still felt so worthless, and it certainly wasn’t going to erase his insecurities magically, but… 

“Is it really enough? For you?” Adachi asked, hating the way his voice cracked as he spoke, but he still wanted, _needed_ confirmation somehow.

Kurosawa shook his head softly, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Being with you is better than anything I could ever have dreamt of.” He took a shaky breath and cupped Adachi’s face with his hands. “Kiyoshi, what you are giving me is more than enough. _You_ are more than enough. You are everything.”

Tears were falling freely from Adachi’s eyes by now, but he smiled through them, feeling as though his heart might burst with the overwhelming amount of love that was flowing through him. “I love you so much,” he said, looking deep in Kurosawa’s eyes, hoping to convey just how much he meant it.

“I know you do,” Kurosawa replied quietly, and Adachi could swear his voice was wavering too. “You might not realize it, but you show it to me day after day. You make me so happy,” he said, shifting closer until their foreheads were pressed together. 

Adachi leaned into the touch, a small, contented sigh escaping his lips as Kurosawa wrapped his arms around him again. He closed his eyes, finally allowing himself to relax in the comforting warmth of his boyfriend’s embrace. Back when he still had his magic, he would be able to feel Kurosawa’s love through a simple touch. He had missed that feeling once the magic had disappeared, but somehow, right now, it was as though he could sense it again. 

After a lifetime of pushing people away whenever he was feeling down, for fear of inconveniencing them, for fear of driving away the few people that he had somehow managed to keep around… Someone had stayed. Kurosawa had stayed with him, held him, accepted him and loved him - in spite of everything Adachi had said to argue that he should be left alone. 

And sure, he still felt rather bad and guilty for putting this burden on Kurosawa’s shoulders but… If Adachi was honest with himself, he was so grateful that Kurosawa was here. He was so grateful not to have to try and hide his insecurities, to be able to be open about all this. 

Maybe in time, Adachi might even come to believe everything Kurosawa had said about him being enough. Or, at the very least, he might believe that Kurosawa truly thought that and wasn’t only trying to reassure him. Even if he didn’t feel a lot better right now, he was definitely spiraling less. Earlier that day, he had been worried about their future, about whether Kurosawa would grow tired and annoyed with him for being like this. But now, the future didn’t seem so scary anymore. Contrary to what he had always thought, Adachi wouldn’t have to deal with his anxiety and insecurities alone anymore. 

Hope was such a nice feeling.

* * *

The next morning, Adachi woke up surrounded by warmth. He didn’t open his eyes just yet, simply basking in the nice feeling. As his consciousness slowly began to catch up with reality, he was becoming aware of the weight of an arm securely wrapped around his waist, soft fabric against his forehead, legs tangled with his, and the soft, familiar noise of Kurosawa’s breathing. He blinked a few times, allowing his eyes to adjust, and saw that his face was pressed against Kurosawa’s chest. He smiled softly, memories of the previous night flowing into his head.

Eventually, they had shared some dinner that Kurosawa had whipped up quickly while Adachi had been in the bath. It hadn’t been anything fancy, just the food Adachi had bought at the convenience store before coming home, along with some leftovers, and the sweets Kurosawa had brought back from his trip. But it had been nice, the atmosphere between them soft and intimate after all that had happened earlier that night. They had gone to bed almost immediately after, Adachi playing idly on his phone as he had waited for Kurosawa to take his turn in the bath. 

Adachi’s bed was still definitely too small for the two of them, which was why they rarely spent the night at his place. But last night, it hadn’t mattered. The closer they had been, the more relaxed Adachi had felt. Eventually, he had fallen asleep tightly snuggled in Kurosawa’s arms, and evidently they hadn’t moved much during the night. 

He pulled back slightly, just enough so he could look at Kurosawa’s sleeping face. It was the weekend; they had all the time in the world, and Adachi took his time to gaze fondly at his boyfriend, smiling at how soft and peaceful he looked in his sleep. 

Adachi quickly took stock of himself, trying to gauge how he was feeling. There was definitely some anxiety still buzzing at the back of his mind, but it was a lot more muffled than the previous day. Considering that they were going to spend the rest of the weekend together, probably just relaxing, playing games or reading, there shouldn’t be much cause for him to spiral again.

He exhaled softly in relief, his smile widening as he saw Kurosawa’s face twitch slightly - a telltale sign that his boyfriend was about to wake up. He watched quietly, always loving the way Kurosawa’s eyes lit up as they focused on him, the way his lips curled into a sleepy smile as he realized Adachi was next to him. He had told Adachi one day that there were times he still thought he was dreaming when waking up next to him, and Adachi had felt both deeply flustered and somewhat sad at the thought. 

Kurosawa’s arm tightened around Adachi’s waist, and Adachi shifted closer, allowing Kurosawa to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Good morning,” Kurosawa said, his voice still raw with sleep. Adachi loved that voice. “How do you feel?”

“Better,” Adachi admitted with a shy smile. “Thank you. For yesterday… For everything, really.”

Kurosawa shook his head and smiled back. He gazed lazily at Adachi for a while, then his expression turned contemplative. “I was wondering… Do you think me being away caused you to feel like that?”

Adachi blinked at him, wondering for a moment if his boyfriend was just teasing him, but there was no trace of mischief in his eyes at all. “I… don’t know. I mean, it’s true I hadn’t felt so bad since before Christmas but… Honestly, I think it was bound to happen at some point. Maybe you going on that trip was the catalyst, but this has been part of who I am for so long, it wasn’t going to disappear just like that.”

Kurosawa hummed quietly, bringing one of his hands up to cup Adachi’s face, thumb gently stroking his skin. “I don’t want to be away from you… Not if I can help it.”

“I know,” Adachi replied. “I never said it was your fault. And besides, yesterday, you _stayed._ You have no idea how much this meant to me.”

“It wasn’t really what I meant,” Kurosawa said with a breathless smile. “First of all, of course I was going to stay. I mean, if you ever need space obviously I will give it to you. But yesterday it didn’t feel to me like you _actively_ wanted to be alone, and I want to be the person you can lean on. You don’t need to hide any part of yourself from me, Kiyoshi. I love all of you.”

Adachi bit his lip and glanced away for a moment, too flustered to keep looking Kurosawa in the eyes. Happiness and gratitude were blooming in his chest, already threatening to overwhelm him so early in the morning.

“But, no, what I meant was…” Kurosawa continued, exhaling quietly when Adachi looked back at him. “Of course I can’t help going away for work sometimes. But whenever I’m here… I always want to be with you. I asked you already, on Christmas, but then we never really talked about it further, and I—” 

Kurosawa closed his eyes, visibly trying to steady his breathing. Adachi reached out to take Kurosawa’s hands in his, bringing them both in between them on the bed and squeezed gently. “Yuichi?”

“Right,” Kurosawa breathed out, then opened his eyes and smiled fondly. “I haven’t really prepared this but— I mean, we already spend almost every night together. Instead of going back and forth between our apartments… What would you think of getting a place together? It would be a lot easier. And wouldn’t it be nice… to have somewhere to call our home?”

Adachi blinked a few times and swallowed hard. Alright, he was definitely overwhelmed now. It wasn’t fair; he had only barely woken up. How was he supposed to handle something like that - that indescribable rush of emotion that crashed over him at the thought of living together with Kurosawa… Of always coming home to his boyfriend… Of being able to be reminded of him all the time when they weren’t together… 

Of course he wanted—

Without really thinking about it, Adachi surged forward, pressing a fierce, passionate kiss on Kurosawa’s lips. Kurosawa gasped into the kiss and chuckled quietly, gentling it. “I’m taking that as a yes,” Kurosawa teased against Adachi’s lips as he pulled back ever so slightly.

“Shut up,” Adachi retorted, kissing him again. “You can’t spring something like that on me so early in the morning, it’s not fair,” he mumbled between more kisses, and Kurosawa kept chuckling as he kissed back, his arms sliding back around Adachi’s waist to pull him closer. 

The rest of the morning dissolved into gentle kisses, warm touches and soft laughter, and Adachi allowed himself to fully embrace the happiness that came with it all. Alright, he wasn’t perfect - never had been, never would be. There would be more days where his mind would turn against him and exacerbate everything that was wrong with him, making him feel worthless and like he should hide away from everyone, but…

But he wasn’t alone anymore. Contrary to everything Adachi had believed his entire life, someone loved him - so unconditionally that Adachi wasn’t even expected to hide his flaws so that they wouldn’t be an inconvenience. No, Kurosawa had seen some of the worst parts of Adachi, and he was still here. He _wanted_ to be here. 

Somehow, as he threaded his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, Kurosawa’s arms secured around his waist, Adachi found that he was able to believe he always would be.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was somewhat cathartic to write haha, and I guess I ended up feeling rather happy about it. Kurosawa is too good for this world, but Adachi deserves him 100% too, and aaaaaaah I just want them to be happy forever.
> 
> Also yes, that's when they decide to live together. Because I really wanted to add that haha. Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I really hope you guys enjoyed this story! Don't hesitate to let me know what you thought :)


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